


Letters to the Sun

by kosagum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, baby king hinata, but lack any self constraint not to post this, i'm painfully self aware, poet kags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25342711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosagum/pseuds/kosagum
Summary: Once every full moon, there will be a ball for Shouyou to find himself a partner - well, until his next birthday, that is. If he doesn’t find a partner by that time, the royal council will put together an arranged marriage for him. Whilst he doesn’t mind living alone, he doesn’t mind sharing his life with someone else, either. Shouyou looks forward to finding his love amidst bustling bodies under the full moon.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is what happens when you relapse to your anime phase
> 
> these poems are a mixture of my own work, actually poetry, and circa 2014-grunge-tumblr that i heavily edited and twisted to add some flare~. and yes i know, kageyama doesn't have the diction to be able to create these poems. i'm well aware of his grade in english.

Hinata Shouyou, the soon-to-be heir of the kingdom, is prompted to find his pair in tonight's ball. Shouyou had reluctantly agreed to attend when the royal council who had arranged the event convinced Shouyou that he couldn’t continue to rule his kingdom alone. So, once every full moon, there will be a ball for the king to find his pair - well, until his next birthday, that is. If he doesn’t find a partner by that time, the nobles will put together an arranged marriage for him. Shouyou doesn’t mind living alone, but he also doesn’t mind sharing his life with someone else, either. He doesn’t mind sharing the delicious cuisine put forth by the best chefs in the kingdom, bumping knees when cramped in the rare small, quiet spaces in the castle, wandering around his vast flourishing gardens, or sharing a bed during warm winter nights, cuddled by the roaring fire.

__

Shouyou takes slow steps as he walks down the grand marble staircase, trying to take everything in. The palace has never been so full before - not that he can remember. The room is filled with lords and ladies from other kingdoms, diplomats, and even commoners from within his own kingdom. A mixture of colors swirled about the ballroom floor, jewelry sparkling under the golden chandelier lights. One could catch the contagious laughter from a corner of the room, feel their mouth salivating from the aroma of the delectable meals prepared, hear the mixture of gossip and hearsay over a cheerful melody that the royal band was playing. Everything felt so _alive_.

The joyous music began to fade as Shouyou reached the end of the staircase, lifting his hand from the gold railing to behind his back as he straightened his posture. Heads turned, and chatter amongst the crowd dissolved as their attention shifted toward the king. His heart thudded, and the warmth in his cheeks spread to the tips of his ears. Shouyou is no stranger to big crowds, as he’s spoken in front of his kingdom and attended social gatherings many times before - but not like this. Not with watchful eyes that pick apart and focus on his psyche like how they are now, each of those eyes begging for attention from the king. Not when his partner-to-be is hidden within this crowd soon to be so intimate to him.

The Royal Court announcer stepped forth.“The king will now be joining the dance. Feel free to interact with him, but please be respectful; refrain from crowding him,” 

Shouyou gave a small smile to the crowd before he walked towards them. A path parted before him wherever he moved. Even though this party was arranged for Shouyou to form connections with ease - to find him a partner - it wasn’t so, as many of the guests only treated him as royalty, bowing their heads low and asking Shouyou what it was like to rule the kingdom at such a young age. But Shouyou can’t blame them - after all, he hasn’t given them very much to go off on, as he only left the castle every once in a while to attend important meetings and give speeches. Sure, he has attended other balls... but not since he was ten, when the previous king and queen would force him into a suit too big and a crown too heavy for a young boy to carry on top of his head all night. Not that he doesn’t want to, Shouyou just doesn’t know how to keep conversations from falling to any of three categories; money, land, and more money. Even as a child, older royals would ask him what he would do with his wealth once he inherited it. Other than these small appearances, there wasn’t much people could go off on. There were simply not enough pieces for people to fit together in order to judge his character, so he remained a mystery. 

__

Tiny fragments of stars scattered throughout the stretch of the inky midnight sky, the moon above illuminating the tips of Shouyou’s ginger locks. The moonlight reflected, melting into his glowing amber eyes. Shouyou watched the fireflies dance in tune to a mixture of the cicadas’ melody and the music seeping out from the ballroom, towards the arches of the hallway that Shoyou had escaped to. The night was still so young, with glasses yet to be filled to the brim and stories of ventures from the beyond yet to be told, no one would be leaving anytime soon. But Shouyou is here, his head resting against the ledge of the fountain as he listened to the droplets of water crashing against his ear.

“Your highness,” 

Shouyou lifted his head to turn toward the stable voice that boomed across the field, only a few feet from where the king lay. Shouyou was a little dazed, startled as he fell from the moon’s trance. There stood the son of the Royal Knight - Head Commander, Kageyama Tobio. Although Kageyama is one of the many knights who stayed by Shouyou’s side, Shouyou knew very little of the knight due to his quiet nature. The few moments they shared were filled with stiff movements and short, awkward glances, leaving much to be desired. Shoyou settled his eyes on Kageyama’s and gave him a small grin.

“Are you alright?” Kageyama asked apprehensively, stepping closer into the moonlight. “You’ve been out here for a while, should I tell the nobles to end the night?”

“No, I’m alright. Just needed some fresh air,” Shoyou exhaled, standing up from his position and dusting off the grass from his britches. “Say, why haven’t I’ve seen you enjoy yourself like the other guards? You know everyone is welcome to join the festivities,”

“I’m aware,” he said flatly, his eyes focused onto somewhere far in the field.

Shouyou hummed, studying Kageyama’s face before turning his head toward the arched hallways. One step before making his return to the bright ballroom lights, he stopped, turning his head back toward Kageyama, who was still mindlessly gazing at the luscious garden before him. “Well, maybe you can join me the next full moon,” 

__

The next morning, Shouyou returned to the castle fountain, still in his nightwear. He always strolled around the castle early in the mornings, just a few moments before the sun rose. This was the only period of time where the castle was at peace. Shouyou was free to watch the sky change from a dusty orange to varying shades of blue, with white, wispy clouds shading him from the now-awoken sun. He could feel the ground rouse too, as small blades of grass, still a moment before, began to tickle his toes as he sat down.

Once he hears the shuffling of footsteps and low voices, Shouyou takes that the rest of the castle is starting to wake up as well. He stood up, about to head back to his room to change into more formal fittings to start his day - until he spotted something, in the corner of his eye. A small, folded piece of paper was nestled in between the cracks of the fountain’s ledge. It wrote: 

_Hushed voices to keep hands clean_

_chin raised to reach the star covered fields_

_arms tangled from your own embrace_

_tightening fingers clutching to the_

_warm blanket of night when_

_you can feel the leaves rustling_

_and the air stiffening._

_But I am here now, my love,_

_no need to tell your secrets_

_to the moon anymore,_

_as I am listening_

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the worse chapter yet

_**October** _

Shouyou finds more short letters, similar to the first, hidden in odd places around the castle after last night’s dance. Making small changes in his morning routine to find the letters, but leaving enough time for him to continue relishing the morning breeze. These letters ranged from sonnets to haikus, all the while sticking with two things - love and Shouyou himself. Shouyou was skeptical at first - after all, he wasn’t the only one who’s looking for love. These dances have developed from Shouyou’s search for love, becoming social gatherings for people to find someone and getting the name “the Lunar Dance.” Shouyou pondered if it was even appropriate for him to be reading these letters; he felt that these letters were too private - too intimate - for a stranger. But he never stopped reading and searching. His servants would find him in peculiar places in strange positions around the castle as he read the bits of writing. As he read more and more of these writings, Shouyou figured out that these letters were about him. No one else in the kingdom matched the description - a short stature and bright auburn hair. The locations that he would find these letters in were… specific, almost as if they were meant to be found.

Curious about the writer’s identity, he asked his servants if they spotted someone mysteriously leaving notes within cracks in the walls or under heavy furniture. His servants shook their heads, a bit concerned about their king’s sanity. Aside from drunks and their companions, they hadn’t spotted anyone out of the ordinary. When he asked if there were any guests who were writers or poets, it was revealed that there was one. Though, his poems were bleak and depressing.

As word started to spread of his secret admirer, a flood of endless love letters and gifts commenced. Shouyou would give these gifts away to his servants, finding no need for more jewels or gold. He would still read the letters, though, feeling too guilty to throw them away and being too curious of what others saw in him. There were some who even went as far as impersonating his secret admirer by leaving letters confessing their love for their King. But Shouyou could easily distinguish the two; the false ones were too careful, too aware that they were addressing their king - unlike the real ones, which were more careless, and free. Shouyou had even memorized how they wrote. Letters stretching on the page, ends of words curving, spaces between each line - deep in thought over how to stitch together their thoughts on the page. Shouyou could fall in love simply by their handwriting.

Shouyou wondered how they might sound, reciting these poems to him. He kept the letters under his pillow, imagining what it would feel like to fall asleep to his lover’s words. 

“Your highness,”

Shouyou snapped out of his daze, turning from the full moon to meet the blue eyes staring at him. Kageyama was frowning, eyebrows knitted and arms folded; Shouyou couldn’t help but beam at the agitated knight. Every night, when Shouyou would sneak off in the middle of the party, Kageyama was able to find him and get him back. As stubborn as Shouyou was, Kageyama had a way with words, always convincing Shouyou to return.

“It’s far too cold for you to be out here without a coat on, ” Kageyama advised. 

“Ah, you’re no fun Kageyama! You refuse to join the dance, scowl when I offer you food from the hall, and now you’re stripping me of my peace!” Shouyou wailed, throwing his arms up in protest. 

“I apologise my majesty, but the food you offered me was stolen from the kitchen, and you do need to go back as it’s getting far too cold— ,”

“And the dance?”

“I simply don’t dance,” he stated, lips forming a harsh line. 

Shouyou huffed, “Alright then,” he walked towards the knight, feet dragging across the pavement as they made their way back to the ballroom. The sound of their echoing footsteps made Shouyou shudder, dreading the feeling of being cramped and pinned over once again. As they drew closer to the ballroom, the soft instrumentals from the royal band and the distant chatter from the crowd began to fill the air. But before they could step foot in the ballroom, Shouyou grabbed Kageyama’s wrist and ran past the ballroom doors, dragging Kageyama alongside him. They went across the field to the other side of the palace, hearing bits of conversation from curious onlookers as they ran. After realizing that Kageyama wasn’t stopping him with his size, Shouyou picked up the pace, only laughing at the reaction of the distressed knight. Kageyama was yelling at the king, who only continued to drag him outside of the castle walls, past the gates, to the town surrounding the castle.

Once outside, the two were welcomed with the rich aroma of street food. Paper lanterns radiated warmth across the city, illuminating soft shadows throughout the crowd. The city was bustling, with the sound of voices laughing, trading and sharing stories intertwining with lively music. The Lunar Dance had expanded beyond Shouyou’s palace; the town surrounding the castle carried on with the celebration, filling with many people who were not only traveling to meet Shouyou, but also traveling to explore the city.

Shouyou whipped his head back around to face the knight, giggling with Kageyama’s wrist still in hand. Kageyama’s eyes were wide, his mouth parting at the clamor before him.

“Have you never been outside before?” Shoyou asked teasingly.

“I— well—” 

Shouyou doesn’t let him finish, dragging the knight alongside him. It was close to midnight, and he forced Kageyama to go to every stand and hold every trinket and tribute received as gifts for the king. Shouyou’s subjects kept a respectful distance, letting him experience the festival like everybody else, with only a few - mostly children - greeting Shouyou with small gifts. 

“Your highness, don’t you think it’s time for us to return?” Kageyama insisted, grabbing Shouyou with a free hand. He couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of the knight, who was wearing a crown made of flowers. It had been a gift from two young girls who had approached the two earlier in the night, with one for him and one for Kageyama.

As the night went on, the music started to pick up, gathering a crowd that began to dance along. 

“Well, maybe not right _now_ ,” Shouyou grinned, dragging Kageyama into the crowd once again. 

Kageyama cringed, “I told you—”

“I know, I know,” Shouyou groaned, letting go as he turned around to face the crowd of people. He went silent, quietly watching the people dance in fluid motion in front of him. 

Kageyama sighed, wrapping his arm around Shouyou’s waist as he led him toward the crowd. Shouyou’s eyes met his in surprise; cheeks flushing red, Kageyama didn’t say a word, only holding his hand out for Shouyou to hold. 

They danced in tune with the band’s melody, moving like waves in the sea of people. The two began with small, light steps, followed by faster movements as the pace of the music started to pick up. The crowd was in constant motion, never staying in one place for too long before moving onto the next step. Their surroundings blurred into yellow-orange lights, swirling around them with their constant twirling and circling. Shouyou’s eyes never left Kageyama’s, and neither did his. 

“So you do!” Shouyou laughed, fingers wiping the small, joyous tears.

Kageyama smiled, “Perhaps I do,” 

___

The morning after was followed with the same routine as the previous nights after - searching for this month’s letter. Shouyou searched quietly, wary of those in the castle who still haven’t woken up. As the colder months started to creep in, mornings in the castle were a lot slower. Fatigued by the cold temperature, many people in the castle tend to sleep in just a little longer. Even Shouyou - known to be up before anyone was still affected by this, morning haze still clouding his consciousness as he roamed around the castle. Though, that feeling didn’t last for too long once he found the letter.

_Idly burying my fingers in the sand_

_I refuse to settle for the sea to sit still beneath me._

_I’ll soak myself in seas of crimson and stars_

_or let the sea salt capacitate my lungs._

_For my love, I’ll gladly drown in you_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gET iTTT ????? because they were "...moving like waves in the sea of people" :DDDDD yeah i hated it too


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa im so late but this was pretty long for me so enjoy it idk !!

**_December_ **

“How do you keep finding me?”

“It is my job.” 

They’re in the corner of the castle’s private library. Dim warm lights emanated from the flickering candles scattered around him and placed on ivory plated walls. Shouyou likes it here; he likes the smell of aged books and how quiet it is, so quiet that the noise from the ballroom completely dissolves as you step in. Only the sounds of crackling fire and light rain tapping on the glass.

Shouyou pats the space next him, “Come sit with me,”

“Your highness, the party—”

“Hm, it’s also your job to listen to my orders, isn’t it?” He hummed, a smile tugging at the ends of his mouth hidden behind the book he was reading.

He looks back at the knight, face settled on a look Shouyou has grown familiar to: a frown, eyebrows knitted deep in thought, and his cheeks flushed in light shades of pink. Shouyou bit the insides of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing at Kageyama’s restive appearance, as most would look away from Kageyama’s face out of fear. After months of forcing Kageyama to spend these nights with him, he has now learned Kageyama’s many expressions. Even if the only thing that made a difference was the slightest movement, Shouyou could just _tell_. 

Moments passed before Kageyama reluctantly started to move, taking the seat that Shouyou offered to him a few inches away, out of respect for his majesty. 

“Hmm… where was I?” Shouyou hummed, tilting his head with a pointer finger on his chin.

Kageyama stayed silent, staring idly at the page Shouyou was on. Well, the parts that he could see from his seat. 

“Aha!” Shouyou stood up, swiftly turning around to look at Kageyama. Curious eyes stared back at him, but Shouyou simply smiled back at his knight before directing his eyes back to the pages of his book. He turned back around, his back to Kageyama again as he cleared his throat. 

_“The fountains mingle with the river_

_And the rivers with ocean,_

Shouyou paused, looking back at Kageyama who now had his eyes closed. He continues.

_The winds of heaven mix for ever_

_With a sweet emotion;_

_Nothing in the world is single;_

_All things by a devin_

_in one spirit meet and mingle._

_Why not I with thine?-”_

Shouyou spun back around, now pacing around the small space that confined them.

_“See the mountains kiss high heaven_

_And the waves clasp one another;_

_No sister-flower would be forgiven_

_If it disdained its brother;_

_And the sunlight clasps the earth_

_And the moonbeams kiss the sea:”_

Shouyou was now standing in front of Kageyama. Even though Kageyama was sitting down, he still towered over his king, as Kageyama only stood a couple inches taller than him. He lowered his head to gaze at Kageyama, who still had his eyes closed - this may be the only time Shouyou had ever seen Kageyama this calm, besides stolen glances when Kageyama thought he wasn’t looking. Shouyou let his arms fall by his side, dropping his voice to a whisper as he recited the last lines.

_“What is all this sweet work worth_

_If thou kiss not me?”_

Moments passed before Kageyama’s eyes finally fluttered open, tilting his head up to eye him. “That was beautiful, your majesty,” Kageyama breathed. 

Shouyou smiled softly at him, twirling around to put the book back in its place on the bookshelf a little too fast, and a little too forward, as he tripped over his own footing. He tumbled towards the candles that surrounded them until Kageyama caught him, one hand on Shouyou’s waist and the other at the nape of his neck. 

They were close. So close that the tips of their noses hovered above each other, so close that Shouyou could count his lashes, so close that he could see the light creases on his forehead.

“Idiot!” Kageyama stilled, eyes growing wide at the realization of how he addressed his king. His mouth parted, then closed, and parted again. “I—I’m… Your ma—” 

Laughter erupted from Shouyou. Laughter that filled the space of the library, bouncing on the walls and echoing throughout the space. His eyes were squeezed shut and his head was thrown back. Anxious, rushed apologies from Kageyama were engulfed by Shouyou’s laughter. 

Once Shouyou’s laughter mellowed out to soft giggles, he started to gain his own footing - until he tripped again. His arms grasped onto Kageyama’s neck for balance, and both almost falling down due to Shouyou’s sudden movement, earning another insult from Kageyama that was followed by another chorus of laughter. 

**_January_ **

Shouyou was bored, head placed in his hands and eyes wandering around the crowd as he let his ears linger by the chatter from his table. More specifically the man who sits across him babbling, for about an hour now, about… something Shouyou had no interest in. 

After months of vanishing in the middle of the night, a guard (other than Kageyama) caught him to drag him back to the ball. The Royal Council had grown irritated by Shouyou’s behavior, becoming more strict about his surveillance and posting more guards to watch over him. Shouyou had grown to enjoy these dances, conversing with other royalty and authorities - only slipping away when he’d grown too bored, which was usually when he dragged Kageyama along. But as many months passed and potential partners became harder and harder to find, Shouyou became disinterested and started to escape earlier and earlier in the evening. 

The letters from his secret admirer gew longer and more… intimate. Describing specific aspects of not only his appearance, but his character that only those close to him ever get to see. Shouyou also notices the slight changes in their handwriting; it has become more muddled as to accommodate for the little space provided and blotchy as the ink used continues to run. As these letters grew to be more intimate, Shouyou clutched onto them even harder, so desperate and helpless as Shouyou felt himself falling deeper and deeper in love. 

“Were you listening?”

Shouyou snapped out of his daze; he had once again been staring off, eyes entranced by the illuminating moon that poked through the tall golden-rimmed windows in the room. 

“I apologise, I was…” He turned his gaze back to the other royal sitting across him, hands now resting back to his lap. Back to the golden hair that swept over brown hooded eyes and a small smug grin that spreads across his face, “...distracted.”

“I see,” he murmured. 

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the two, though the other man didn’t seem to mind. Seemingly relishing over the silence, placing his head on his hands as a smirk started to form. His stare caused a blush to spread through Shouyou’s cheeks to the tip of his ears and down to the back of his neck, avoiding to meet his stare. 

“I—,” Shouyou starts.

“Your highness,”

Both turned to the voice that interrupted; it was Kageyama. Shouyou brightened.

“Is there a problem?” The other man spat. Shouyou could feel the disdain in his words.

“Yes,” Kageyama replied, a silence followed.

The man raised a brow. 

Kageyama flushed, the realization of his auspiciousness, “T-the Fukurodani family have come to speak to you,”

“But I thought they weren’t coming—”

“They must be late!” Shouyou yelped out of his seat, almost knocking it over. Shouyou turns to the other man with a forced apologetic smile, “I have business with them that I need to attend to. I apologise…” Shouyou stills, hit with the realization that he had forgotten his counterpart's name. 

“Miya Atsumu,”

“Ah! Yes apologies,” Shouyou bowed before turning to Kageyama, hands grab hold of his arm as he guided both of them through the crowd.

Shouyou looked at Kageyama beaming, “Thank you,”

“Well, you looked as if you were begging for someone to come and save you,” he remarked.

Shouyou giggled, hiding behind the back of his hand, “My knight in shining armour,”

Kageyama flinched, blue eyes not daring to look back as it wandered throughout the crowd with his head bowed. Even with Kageyama turned and face covered with bangs Shouyou already knows his expression; a frown to cover up a small smile. Shouyou has seen this expression multiple times over and over but can’t help wanting more. 

**_February_ **

“You must go back,” Shouyou wasn’t listening. “you realize that guests often wonder where you go in the middle of night. Several people have complained that they’ve traveled a very long way to get a chance to meet the king, only for you to run away in the middle of the night.”

“It doesn’t matter! None of this matters!”

Kageyama sighs, right now Shouyou is intoxicated. Very intoxicated. His breath reeked with a mixture of alcohol you could practically taste everything he drank tonight, hair sticking out in different places, clothes disheveled by spilled drinks and his eyes were dim. 

“Your highness—,”

“No!” He sneers, prickling tears glossing over his eyes and swollen lips owed to the strangers he’s been with tonight. “Love doesn’t exist without gold and riches within my classes - it has no backbone.”

“They are not that selfish,”

Shouyou's face softened to a more pained expression. “You’re right, maybe I am. I’ve asked for too much,”

Kageyama bit his lip, he said the wrong thing.

Shouyou jumped to his feet fumbling forward but catching himself, “Let’s head back!” he cheered, throttling down the arched hallways Kageyama lagging a few steps behind him. They said nothing on their way back. 

___

Shouyou struggled to wake the next day, his head heavy and pounding from the night before. He never changed from his stained clothing from the night before and his hair messier due to his unkempt bedhead. Shouyou trudged his way out of bed to find today’s letter. Memories from before find their way back, Shouyou groaned from the embarrassment dreading the next time he faced the knight. 

As he finally found this morning's letter, Shouyou’s heart clenched and small droplets of tears that were buried from last night escaping. 

_I now know the secrets_

_you whispered to the moon_

_all those nights ago._

_Why you hide the_

_constellations dotted on your hands._

_It’s because those secrets weren’t secrets at all -_

_but an impatient little one starving_

_to shine as bright as the ones up above_

_Tips of your toes and arms aching_

_as you stretch your fingers farther,_

_grasping for anything to hold_

_that won’t go through your fingers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i'm having trouble deciding if i should do a happy or sad ending :o hmm


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i did not forget to write the last chapter

**_May_ **

Tonight, the stars were beaming, burning through the light, wispy clouds etched into the night sky. Their presence demanded one’s attention, one star gleaming over the other until the sky was nothing but a kaleidoscope of light; it was overwhelming— Shouyou almost couldn’t stand it. 

Shouyou wished he could simply ignore it. Ignore it the same way he ignored the somberness of early mornings when he saw the empty side of his bed, how small he felt in rooms with high ceilings and in long corridors with no end, how he became restless since the words that used to lull him to sleep are now what keep him awake. Now only dainty words struggling to continue one after another. Shouyou didn’t want to think about it for too long.

Though, something about tonight wouldn’t let his thoughts slip through the spring breeze. It clung to his collar, leeching and burying under Shouyou’s skin, leaving his heart aching. _Wanting_.

“Your majesty.”

A familiar voice called out to him across the field. Voice so rich and deep, grounding Shouyou back to earth. 

He turns to the man standing only a few feet away from him, standing up to meet his gaze— a familiar set of sharp blue eyes paired with a frown. Shouyou couldn’t help the small grin tugging at the ends of his lips. His nerves were faltering but not yet gone, making their presence known with the skip of a heartbeat and the fluttering from his fingertips to the ends of his toes. 

Shouyou hadn’t seen Kageyama in months. With duties to attend to and even more royals flocking to him, making it impossible for him to slip away, Shouyou hadn’t seen him since February— except for the occasional stolen glance during royal meetings when Kageyama was posted, and the lingering looks when passing by one another in arched hallways. All of which were when they weren't alone. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while…,” Kageyama walked past Shouyou to the gardens where he was previously seated. Shouyou wanted to apologize, but found himself unable to think of the right words. His memories of the night were scattered and his words were lost to booze, but he could still faintly remember the bitter taste of his words. While they have spent a great deal of time together, Kageyama is his and always be his guard. There to serve and protect, not for Shouyou to spill his romantic endeavors. “I apologize.”

“There’s no need,” Kageyama said simply. 

“Well, I am afraid that I was—”

“You weren’t.”

“I wasn’t?”

Kageyama turned his head to him as Shouyou stared. “I was preoccupied with…,” his words hung and he held his gaze a little longer, as an apology, “...other duties.”

Shouyou felt the hesitancy in Kageyama’s answer, but he just hummed, his eyes flickering back to the sky as he sat back down. Kageyama sat beside him quietly, laying a hand close to Shouyou’s as he leaned back. They stayed like this for a while. Quiet, a comforting silence blanketed over them as they felt the spring breeze brushing lightly past, let the sweet scent of the flowers and the cherry blossom petals that grew between them fill their senses. Shouyou slowly laid down, the lush greenery cushioning him from beneath. He stretched his arm to the sky, reaching up to graze the soft clouds drifting above them. 

“You’re quiet tonight.”

Shouyou let his arm fall back to his side, moving it for him to lay on his elbows. “Funny for _you_ to say,” he says, chin raised to look back at the knight, who was now studying him.

“You’re just quiet. You’re never quiet.”

“I’m not,” Shouyou huffed, turning away from him.

“Something is bothering you,” he stated, moving closer. 

“Nothing is bothering me!” Shouyou exclaimed, whipping his head back to Kageyama, who’s eyes were fixated on him. Eyebrows furrowed and mouth bit, an expression that Shouyou had grown accustomed to… but something is different here. The way his harsh features softened as if he looked— as if he’s… _concerned_. Kageyama is concerned about him. 

The ache that has nestled and made its home within his chest has made its way back to the surface. 

“I—” Shouyou says, parting his lips, his mouth going dry. He turns away again, not knowing what to say since he didn’t entirely understand it either. Why there was this aching feeling in his chest. Why the touch of the empty side of his bed is so cold. Why the tall ceilings and long corridors that he grew up in made him feel so small and empty. Why he felt like he couldn't fill these days on his own anymore— leaving him yearning for something.

It was silent; the thudding from Shouyou’s chest was painful, but the way Kageyama held his gaze on Shouyou was so patient and comforting that it helped ease his discomfort.

“Why…,” Shouyou croaked, breaking the silence. 

Kageyama leaned in closer, expression softer now.

He could feel it now, the feeling resurfacing and filling Shouyou’s emotions to the brim.

“Why do we— Why do _I_ want to be held?” Shouyou cried, his breath hitched and his shoulders pressed up to his ears. “To— to be _wanted_?”

Warm tears streamed down his cheeks, dripping onto his hands. He dug his fingers in, as if to plant his roots into the ground.

“I have everything I could ever want, but I—I’m so desperate for _this_ ,” Shouyou digs his fingers deeper; he’s never wanted something so much before.

Shouyou stiffened, mouth agape, realizing his own vulnerability spilling over himself. 

“So selfish,” he breathed, barely a whisper, fingers to his cheeks.

Shouyou was always ever-so-careful to never let himself fall for greed. He’s so lucky to drown himself in gold and admiration from his people that asking for more, even when encouraged, feels wrong. But now he’s become desperate for something, demanding it as if it was some commodity— how foolish. Selfish to want something that can’t be owned.

“I think…,” Kageyma murmured, “...we yearn for others because we, as humans, are innately dependent on one another. We bask in the warmth of others since we can’t feel our own. You can’t be selfish when our warmth— our _love_ — is meant to be given away.”

The aching guilt that has made its home in Shouyou's chest was washing over, like ocean waves crashing onto the shore.

Shouyou chuckled; Kageyama said it so simply. His words felt so familiar, yet distant. “You have such a way with words.”

Kageyama blushed, head turning away from Shouyou’s gaze and a frown covering a small smile. “N—not really.”

Shouyou moved closer to Kageyama, leaving no space in between them. Kageyama didn’t seem to mind, so they stayed like this for a while; it was quiet again, with only Shouyou’s light sniffling and the soft whistles of the wind.

“Can I ask you something?” Shouyou asked, breaking the silence once more.

“Anything, your majesty.”

Shouyou fiddled with his hands, running his fingers through the grass to distract himself from his nerves burning at the thought of his request, as if he hadn’t embarrassed himself enough. He was afraid that Kageyama could hear him now, hear the rapid pace of his heart beating and the blood rushing through him. The taste of his nerves made his body burst into flames, but he didn’t mind. 

Shouyou finally lifted the heavy weight of his hands, grabbing hold of Kageyama’s. He traced his small hands on the rough ridges and calloused fingers; they feel safe and strong. Shouyou tightened his hold, loosely lacing his fingers with his. He’s very aware of how close they are - how intimate this all is, how the slight touch of his skin burned him to his very core - but he doesn’t mind.

“Stay with me.”

Kageyama’s eyebrows raised. “I—,” He turned his head away from Shouyou, scoffing, “Sounds like more of a command than a request.” 

Shouyou leaned in closer, brown eyes piercing through his. There was another hint of solicitude in Kageyama’s expression - an apology. But it quickly faded into a soft smile.

“Of course.”

-

Shouyou didn’t bother finding a letter the next morning, content with tangled fingers, soft sighs in his hair, and a warm, pressed body. 

There was no letter the next morning, anyway.

  
  


**_June_ **

  
  


The air was still, and the ground beneath cold from the morning dew, wetting the soles of Shouyou’s bare feet. Cool hazy mist settled that barely let him see past the gardens, but his eyes still stared idly at them, eyes glazed over yet sore from the night prior. 

Last night was the final dance of the year, marking the end of Shouyou’s search for a companion, leaving him with no one. The Royal Council did as they stated by the end of their agreement, quickly pairing Shouyou up with someone of great wealth and power— scheduled to meet him early in the morning. Shouyou couldn’t say he’s against it; after all, he never minded it, as he agreed to the arrangement in the first place, but he also couldn’t deny the light somberness filling his chest. 

So here he is, legs folded and pressed to his chest, and his left cheek resting on his knees. His mind was still stuck on last night as he timidly waited at the end of the hallway, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. He never came. Shouyou was fine with it, he has to be. With an exasperated sigh he stood up, legs limp and head whipping back to the direction of his room. Eyes almost missing the small folded piece of paper that sat in between the cracks of the fountain. He chuckled, feeling a sense of deja vu. Soft chuckles were then lost by the fact that this was his last letter, his lover’s last words.

Unfolding the piece of paper, Shouyou’s heart sank.

_I apologize my dear, for my love I must leave you._

“Your highness—,” one of Shouyou’s many servants interrupted him. 

_My heart aches and yearns for a last embrace, though I’m afraid that I have already asked for so much._

“The Royal Council and the Miya family are waiting for you.”

“J—just wait,” Shouyou retorted irritably.

_Being able to bathe in your warmth on quiet evenings and learn all the ways of your beauty was a blessing. I apologize for not keeping my word; I hope someday, you will forgive me._

“Your highness?”

 _I will be off once the sun rises, once_ you _rise._

The sudden realization dawned on him, sinking Shouyou's heart to the pit of his stomach. The tips of his fingers ran cold, the chill seeping through his veins and spreading throughout his body. He couldn’t breathe, only choking out tears with tightening lungs.

 _It’s too late_. 

Shouyou picked up the heavy weight of his feet, muddled in the ground.

 _It’s too late._

The sound of his heart drumming deafened his ears. 

It’s far too late - Shouyou knows this, but he couldn’t care. The slap of his bare feet against the pavement, the ringing in his ears, and the rays of sunshine trickling onto his back— but he couldn’t bring himself to care. So Shouyou ran. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading <3  
> will there be an epilogue :D ? perhAPS !!


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